Last year I wrote about a guy we met who had the potential to be a great leader. He was brilliant but unfortunately arrogant. We presented an opportunity to provide insights into the market and innovative ways for him to deliver the ingredients for his finished goods. Instead of taking advantage of that, he did all the talking and never stopped to listen. He was loud, cocky, and looking back boring because everything was a show-off of himself.

POTC and I met talked with a gentleman yesterday whose personality is a stark contrast. He was quiet, gentle, articulate, humble and listened to our conversation. He asked about us and our company and told stories about others. He is not stuck at a mid-manager position, but leads a multi-billion dollar company. He leads. he has all the same skills, education, relevant knowledge and experience as the other guy, but his ability to tame his ego allows him to effectively lead the hearts of thousands.

It is important to have a nice hammer when building a house, but if you bend all the nails you’ll never finish that house. Being controlled while using your toolset and being interested in each person you work with seems to be the much more effective way to build the company.

Winning the trust of a new customer starts pretty simply: they’ve got to know my story. Remember that people want someone they can rally behind, someone they can promote, someone they can believe in. My story must be told by who I am.

One way I have presented the story is with a fancy slideshow presentation given over a break-neck 10 minute session. However, getting there can be awkward. So many people don’t want to wait for me to setup the computer, don’t want to see me clicking through to Powerpoint, and are intimidated by a myriad of slides. If time and the audience permit me to do it, I will.

But most of the time, my story (which is ultimately the story of the company) is sold in 2 ways that involve no Powerpoint. The way of conveying my story occurs in our initial face-to-face meeting. It is the words interwoven among the discussion we have. It is the answers I provide regarding our business.  The story is told in the midst of conversation. It is natural, free-flowing, and non-threatening.
The second way of conveying my story happens constantly.  It’s a combination of how I perform during every opportunity given (how the first order is delivered; the speed of my responce to e-mail inquiries; the manner in which I conduct myself; the depth and breadth of knowledge I possess regarding the industry) and who my character is. My story is both in my execution and in how I execute. When I combine both well, I tell the best story. It’s a story in which everyone can believe. I’m a person in whom everyone can support. My product or service is the one that anyone can feel comfortable purchasing.

I learned a valuable lesson in poker: never underestimate your opponent. The moment you do, you’re set up for a quick and humiliating loss.

The same is true in business negotiations. Although a good businessman negotiates for a win-win (doesn’t want to defeat or to be defeated), its easy to think that you’ve got the best cards. Maybe you think you’re smarter, better prepared, or have an edge in market intelligence that will lead you to win.

Every time I’ve been in that position, I’ve lost. The most humiliating loss came about 2 years ago when I thought I could outsmart a 15-year veteran. Instead of getting a higher price (which I did for 2 months), I lost 100% of the business because they cancelled the project and quit buying my product altogether (the price was too high.) It was embarrassing and painful and an experience I never want to repeat again.

Tonight, my oldest boy (age 4) Jack was hoping that a young lady friend (age 4) would be allowed to dress up as Elasti-Girl while he was in costume as Mr. Incredible. He asked her mom first if she could play for 10 minutes. Then, without her dad knowing that her mom had been asked, Jack asked him if she could play in costume…”for 12 minutes.” He, in return, jokingly said, “How about 8 minutes?” In response, Jack said, “OK, how about 10 minutes?”

Although he has no concept of time, he has learned the art of negotiation. Crazy.

Over the last six months or so, I’ve discovered how awesome it is to celebrate a good friend’s victory. The joy of the celebration is so good that I find my self beginning to naturally look for things to celebrate in others. After all, don’t smiles that originate in others’ accomplishments last longer?

During college, I spent a large part of my time with an inner-city ministry in downtown Atlanta. At one time my heart was so stirred with a passion for the people living in the projects that I considered leaving college and dedicating myself full-time to the ministry. The leader gave me some words of wisdom that have returned on many, many occasions: “Move slowly.”

Major decisions must be made but they should be given extra thought, review, counsel, investigation, and, above all, time. The speed of major decisions must be slow. Yes, once the decision is made, every effort must be made to act at once on it at once. But major decisions are complex with different options and outcomes depending on how they are approached. Many of the paths can be deceiving, leading towards dead-end paths.

Consider the two following quotes, the first from Shakespeare’s “The Merchant of Venice”:

All that glitters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told:
Many a man his life hath sold…

…and the second is the Riddle of Aragorn from JRR Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings”.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken:
The crownless again shall be king.

Does this option look really good but lead to a dead-end? Does this option look bad but lead to a great future?

After nearly a quarter off, let’s get going and write down some of the things that we learn. One of my favorite quotes comes from Paul and can be applied to the business journey as well as the spiritual journey:

“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me…”

When hiking through life, focusing on where we’ve been can do 2 things: (1) if the journey was good, the reflection invigorates me or (2) if the journey was bad, the reflection can discourage me. It’s the lesson learned in golf… forget the last shot and play this ball like it’s all that matters.

Focusing on how someone screwed up, or on how someone screwed me, or how we missed an opportunity drags me down. Even worse, it causes a rift to form in my relationship with someone. (We’re going to blame someone, right?) If there’s an issue, address so that I can move on. Then I’ve got to get going, look ahead and forget all that’s behind. Read the rest of this entry »